Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Faith in Love?




life is messy. it is confusing. how do we know if we are making the right decision or the biggest mistake of our life? we do not. we must take it on faith that we know ourselves and those we love well enough to do the right things and make the right decisions. Someone told me today that i lack faith...... i do not lack faith, but i do not think any of us can have blind faith forever...... burn me enough times and my faith in you will waiver and eventually fail. i am human after all. also, why would anyone want to purposely hurt another person? AND after that expect them to continue to have blind faith in them..........REALLY????? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

well i do have faith in those that have faith in me. in those that are deserving of faith. i am loyal. i am true. i am deep. i am sharing. i am giving. i am honest. with those that will let me be these things, anyway. it is amazing how many people will not let you be these things to them. this is why i have such a connection with RU. he loves these things abt me. he draws them out in me and i cannot help but be me to the core of me when i am with him. there is no better gift a partner can give than to accept you the way you are; to love you just as you are and not want you to change. i love him most of all for this gift. it is the most important thing he could ever give to me.

back to faith..........i am not a religious person, but i try hard to have faith in mankind. it is hard. we are stupid and are easily swayed. we are often rude and uncaring, but in each of us i believe lies the potential to be a good person. i cannot help that i believe this. i am glad i hold on to it. i have been through some very hard times and harder relationships in my life and i have seen many women that are bitter and jaded from less than i have been through. i do not want to be like that. i am a lover! i want to love and to be loved. i want to spoil someone who appreciates it. i want to be spoiled by someone who does it just to see me smile. i say now i will never give up on love........who knows what time will bring though or how time will change me. i cannot imagine giving up and not having someone to love or to love me. i have so much love in my heart, so how can i not have faith in love?