moments

i have been very busy lately. i have not had much time to write. work has been.....frustrating to say the least and some other aspects of my personal life are still as infuriating as ever. i did get to spend some time last week with Ru which was nice, but it was.......very busy. Normally we get a night or 2, at least, to just be together but this time was more work than normal and more demands on our time so it was not the best visit. Don't get me wrong, we always enjoy seeing each other and we will take what we can get, but we always want more and it can be frustrating not to have any quality time together...... and no spankable time. the good news is we got to spend the weekend together too. that does not normally happen and it was a great weekend. i have never known someone that could put me at such ease as Ru can....... when i fall into his arms, it is instant relief! *sigh*.... ok, enough babbling abt sappy things, well......maybe not....LOL! i would like to share with anyone that is reading my favorite moment from this weekend and it is on my short list of favorite moments with Ru, i think. Ru has this thing abt moments. it is so sweet and i love it....... "it is all about moments" he says and he is right. well, we are picnic people so we usually try to squeeze one in when we can and on sunday he took me on a picnic at a state park. The grounds were beautiful and right up our alley with lots of oaks strung with moss. we walked around holding hands and talking. then we got our bottle of wine, 7 deadly Zins - good stuff if you like a bold spicy red zen - and we sat in some rocking chairs on the porch of this house looking out at the scenery and drank wine and talked. we talked about our dreams and that was good for me. it has been a long time since i thought about dreams....or since i had any. i feel like all of mine have crashed and burned in recent years, so much so that i have not even dared to consider new ones. i had dreams once upon a time........of saving the world when i was very young.........of a partner and a loving, fulfilling family........of children......of laughter.......of writing....... after growing up and realizing one person cannot change the world, much less save it, after 2 failed marriages and many heart aches in the realm of children and child baring, after realizing a true partner is very hard to find, i eventually stopped writing and with it, stopped dreaming. i don't think i ever even realized it until sunday on that porch. talking about it, realizing i could dream again.......if i dared......was in itself a great gift. i loved that moment.... thank you Ru. you always seem to know what to do. i so love you for that. knowing a true partner is so hard to find and feeling like i have found one in you is enough to help me plant the seed for a new dream. that is one of the best gifts you could ever give me. please know how much i appreciate that.

ok, NOW enough sappy babbling. I will post more tomorrow about my wonderful OTK experience....... my first one ever! but it is late and my time is up for tonight. i am glad i got to make a post at least. Dream well.